Affiliate links may be used in this post. Ordering through these links may result in a commission, which helps pay for the cost of running this site and keeps the content free.
Christine D’Elia is a full time working mom of two wonderfully unique boys with an amazing husband to share in all of the craziness. You can find more of her “nuggets” of life, love, marriage and more on her blog www.chickennuggetdiaries.com.
5 Times to Have your Spouses Back
1) With the kids – One of you may be the shoulder to cry on when the other comes on a little strong, that’s great, but you can’t undo what your counterpart has done with discipline in the moment. It will create resentment between the two of you and the kids can fish out a crack in the armor from a mile away.
I’m not suggesting that you’ll always agree that the punishment fits the crime. Let the sentence play out before you intervene. You may bring it up after the dust settles and even suggest that your partner go and talk it out, but you must be a unified front in order for your kids to know they can’t play one against the other.
2) With the extended family – In-laws can be a crazy group, on both sides. You are stepping into unknown territory no matter how long you’ve been together with your love! Your new family’s dynamic might be straight-laced and buttoned up while yours is more Rowdy Roddy Piper. Either way, give your partner some well-deserved credit when they are under fire from either side.
For example, when his family brings up that time he quit soccer, baseball and guitar all in the same year-give him some credit for sticking with you (wink, wink) all these years. He will notice that you’ve come to his defense and probably recognize something good in one of your less than favorable walks down memory lane.
3) With people who have never met him – I’m always one to love a good, sarcastic jab. I tend to think it’s all in good fun, but over time I’ve learned that it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. Often times it causes tension from the most unintended places.
I was recently in the presence of someone dishing on her husband’s wardrobe choices to a group of people who had never met him. As an outside observer I realized it was totally unnecessary. They didn’t get the joke and she was unintentionally dragging him through the mud. She was just trying to make light of a situation by playfully dissing her man, but it came across pretty nasty.
Outside the occasional venting session with those who know the full range of your love, only share positive attributes and empowering stories. This one may go forever unnoticed by your spouse but others will recognize the kindness when you speak about your one and only and it does matter.
4) Around the House – No matter what the dynamics of your household everyone has a role to play. Whether it’s your wife bringing home the bacon while you’re tending to the kiddies or you are two working parents juggling drop off, pick ups and sick days; it’s all hard and you both deserve a break. It will never help the situation to think the other is vacationing during the 8, 10 or maybe 12 hours they are away from you.
This is not to say that either one should have less pull with the chores, kids or whatever -but just know that your counterpart is dealing with a lot. Same for you, as you juggle that last minute project and birthday invitations that should have gone out last week. Acknowledging that the struggle is real may just help lighten things enough to realize you’re both on the same team. Sometimes that moment of brevity is all you need to carry on!
5) In Life – In order for your family to operate at full potential every person in it needs to feel loved and appreciated. Sometimes, as life goes by, it gets easier to focus on the flaws. Try to find the good in all of those day-to-day things that can otherwise bring you down. Take time and remember all of those wonderful reasons you are in this mess together in the first place! You just might start a trend with your love by letting some of the small stuff slide and noticing all the good. Positivity breeds positivity. Just get the ball rolling with a high five to start the day and an unexpected text: “love you, thanks for taking the kids while I slept for a few extra minutes!” Even if it was his day to take the kids while you slept a few extra minutes!
When is another time you have your spouses back?
Leave a Reply