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As women, wives and mommies we have a lot of things constantly on our plates. We are always getting something done, adding something to our to-do list and wanting to mark something else off the same list. Now don’t get me wrong, our men are busy guys too! They have their own things that must be done to provide for us or our family. No matter how busy each of us are there are some ways to get him to help around the house.
However, I have noticed a trend when talking with wives. Often times they express their frustrations about wanting their men to help out more around the house or with the children. Ladies, over and over again have told me that this is an area that causes frustration in their marriage.
So first off, I must tell you that you are not alone if you are feeling this way! But secondly let’s look at some ways we can get our men helping more! These ways can even get them cleaning the toilets without nagging!
Techniques To Get Him To Help Around The House:
- Ask for his help: We cannot assume he knows we need help or expect him to start helping if we have always done the house work. So we must let them know we need the help. Now here is an important detail: we must ask for help rather than demand it. Asking shows much more respect which is important to our men. My husband once told me, “It never crossed my mind you needed help since you didn’t ask. I am use to you being so independent and not needing help.” Well the truth is I do need help! I just forget to ask and thinks he should know that I need help sometimes.
- Tell him that you need his help: We must explain to him why his help is important. Letting him know that we honestly need his assistance will give him a purpose and reason to be of help. Men often like to feel needed. When they understand we need them to aid us they can then understand it is an act of service to show us love. Knowing that I truly need my husband’s opinion, skill or just height makes him feel better about it rather than feeling like I am trying to get him to help around the house.
- Choose the right thing: Just like we have things we prefer to do and things we prefer not to do our guys are the same way. Ask them to help with tasks that would be less awful or even tasks they excel in. If they would rather do the dishes than sweep ask them to help with dishes. If they are great organizers ask them to help do a task that they can use those organization skills.
- Establish a deadline: When we ask our guys to help us out we need to let them know when we need their help. “Could you help me out by taking care of the dishes after dinner tonight?” “Would you mind helping me by vacuum before tomorrow’s get together?” If a time frame is not put on the request they may fully intend to do that task, just not as soon as we wanted. Then, that can lead to frustration and arguments from a misunderstanding.
- Explain how it makes you feel: After our men help us with these tasks we need to let them be fully aware of how it makes us feel. “It relieves some stress. It makes me feel loved that you took the time to do that.” And give them praises!
- Be flexible: Last, but certainly not least. We have to be flexible. If our men are going to aid us in these tasks we can’t expect them to do everything just like we do. They may have a different method to get to the end result. Or their end result may even look different than our end result. We must really think about what is worth mentioning. If we constantly are telling him he isn’t “doing it right” he will most likely not want to help. Redoing a chore they have done is one thing I say never to do! I think it will be okay if the towels look a little different this time around.
Using those 6 techniques really can make the biggest difference in getting our men to help around the house! By doing these techniques you are actually: showing him respect, letting him know he is needed, letting him excel, setting clear expectations, praising him and letting him be himself. I truly feel that those positive experience allow positive feeling to be associated to get him to help around the house where they do not mind it as much. Maybe you and your husband can even talk more about splitting the household chores.
Just think how some men might feel if his wife went about it in this way. She demands his help. Nags about how he never helps and should. Makes him do the most hated tasks only tell him he didn’t even do it right and now she has to do it over anyways. Of course he probably wouldn’t want to help anymore!
Next time, you need help around the house remember these 6 techniques to get your man to help around the house in a positive way!
What is a technique you use to get him helping around the house?
Until Next Time- Truly Love,
Cassie
I am so thankful for my husbands always willingness to help with chores. We split most of it and I love that. Makes a huge difference 😉
Yes, I am sure it does Mia! There are a lot of marriages that seem to struggle in this area and sometimes the guys don’t even know it is a frustration of their spouses!
Great tips Cassie! I especially like that you emphasize how important it is to let your guy know that it means a lot to you when he helps out. I tend to assume (oopsie) that my fiance will automatically be able to figure out what I want help with, but men are not mind readers 😉 Thanks for sharing this!
Open communication, even about housework, is indeed important, Tara. At least you are realizing this early on and hopefully will prevent issues in the future! Hope to see you around the blog more as you enter the newlywed phase!
I think the underlying assumption is that housework is “women’s work” rather than a necessary evil (haha– a strong word, but I’m not a big fan of housework) that needs to happen. When John and I married, we decided that we were going to tackle everything as a team– no one person was responsible solely for cleaning or cooking. Of course, no couple is perfect– us included– but I’ve found that this has kept us working together, rather than saying, “It’s your turn to do it.” When John’s schedule is wacky, I pick up the slack. When I’m on deadline, he does. It’s a really nice give-and-take that makes us both feel valued and not taken advantage of. 🙂
I like how you said that, Jo. It’s a give and take that makes you both feel valued and not taken advantage of! It is the same for us. We both do things. When I was teaching full time we really both pulled the weight when needed. Now that I work from home I do tend to do more of the house stuff, however Ryan still helps some and I remember to ask for help when I need it.
Haha establish a deadline! This is the best bit of advice. Otherwise you could wait for weeks for something to get done. By telling him you’d like it done that day or in the next few hours it helps to prevent mishaps of “mis-communication” and possible resentment.
I know that sounds really strict or demanding. But so many ladies have told me they asks their guys to do something, then he doesn’t do it fast enough so they end up doing it anyways. Letting him know when you would like it done by would prevent some of this. Not saying with every guy, but with some. Communicating helps a lot of areas of life 🙂