Do you find yourself always trying to fix your husband? Or when he is sharing you tend to go into problem solving mode? Well this is me. I knew it was a tendency of mine, but didn’t realize how bad it was/seemed to my husband, Ryan, until he finally told me.
I was wondering why he wasn’t sharing much with me anymore and probing Ryan. After a discussion that went in circles for a bit he finally came out to say that he felt like I was always trying to fix him or give him coaching on the situation instead of listening. Ouch!
So, of course, trying to fix the problem I asked for more specifics and ways that I could shift. In this instance, the problem solving was welcomed. Here are some things that Ryan shared with me:
- Listen to the complete story/explanation before responding
- Acknowledge/thank him for shared openly
- Ask if he would like me to listen or help him problem solve
- Ask if he has any requests of me
What I try hard to do now is allow Ryan to share fully before chiming in. I acknowledge what he has shared by repeating what I heard or asking clarifying questions. Then, if I am unclear on what kind of conversation this is I ask if he is seeking my input or if he is wanting me to only listen. I offer my thoughts if he wants them or not if not.
Lastly, we finish up the conversation with me asking if he has any request of me. Sometimes requests look like a neck rub if he is stressed or that I don’t text him at a certain time the next day due to the meeting. Ending with asking if he has any request allows him to ask for support from you even if it is not directly related to solving the problem he shared with you.
Approaching our men and their concerns in this way lets them know we care, love and respect them. It also lets them know we are there to support them in whatever way we can. Which is not in a “we know more than you” “we have the answer” kind of way. Let’s stop coming across as if we are trying to fix our men!
What is a way you keep yourself from trying to fix your man?
Until Next Time- Truly Love,