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I am sitting on a blanket next to the race course where two ladies are sitting next to me in folding chairs. The day was hot which made me respect the athletes that much more. But for the ladies next to me the heat only fueled their anger more. They bantered back and forth about how much they disliked that their husband’s trained so much. Sharing specific examples of when they felt the training was interfering with other things. By the tone and comments I could feel the resentment that they had built towards their husband’s hobby. Quite honestly, I was surprised they were even there spectating.
Over time I came to understand this was a common conversation that took place at races. And then to read some of the comments on our post 5 Tips To NOT Resent Your Triathete Husband. I know that a lot of ladies don’t like how much their men train. So I am sharing with you four steps to take if you struggle with your man’s training schedule.
- Evaluate Why You Don’t Like It- Sometimes we simply say we don’t like something or it makes us mad, but take the time to evaluate why you don’t like how much he is training. Do you feel he is choosing training over you? Are you feeling left out that he trains with his buddies? Do you feel your relationship has to be worked around his workouts? Really spend some time being honest about the reason you are struggling. Two good ways to dig into this is: 1) do some journaling and 2) ask “Why?”. Journal anything and everything that comes to mind. Something might come up that you didn’t realize. Or you can keep asking yourself why. When you keep asking why you can get to the root of what really is bothering you.
- Tell Him You Are Struggling- Your husband may honestly be oblivious to the fact that you are struggling with the amount of time he is spending training. I believe communication is key to everything. We can’t assume our man knows how we feel. And even if we have expressed our dislike in his training sharing the reason why could have a bigger impact. Getting raw and sharing vulnerably about why you are struggling with the training can create space for new understanding that he cares about. Rather than him potentially feeling like you are wanting to control what he is up to.
- Ask How They Would Like To Be Supported- Ask your man what is important to him as far as having your support in his training and racing. It may be something completely different than you expect. Often times we place expectation on ourselves that the other isn’t even really expecting. We could be placing stress on ourselves that make us dislike his training. When in reality he may not be having that expectation of us. This will give you a clear understanding of how he would like your support.
- It’s Okay To Ask For A Request- Most things are good in balance so finding the balance here can be very empowering for your relationship. Now that you know truly why you are struggling with his training and what kind of support he would like you can ask for a request. This is where a win/win can be created. Maybe the request is one day a week without training or after a long Saturday morning training session it’s date night. Figure out something that he feels supported in his training, yet your negative feelings around him training are minimized.
Supporting your husband, even though currently you don’t like how much he trains, is possible. Discovering why you struggle with his training, sharing openly about it and creating a win/win can happen! Not only will you get to support your husband in his training, but your needs will also be known. It may feel hard right now to figure out how the conversation will look, but once it happens you both will reap the rewards. Dig deep within yourself and have the needed conversation!
Until Next Time- Truly Love,