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Last week I started the book review for “For Women Only” By Shaunti Feldhahn where I covered chapters 1 and 2. This week we are moving on to chapters 3 & 4 so let’s get to it!
Chapter 3-“The Performance of a Life Time-Why Your Mr. Smooth Looks so Impressive but Feels Like an Impostor”
Shaunti says that a man’s inner vulnerability about his performance comes from his conviction that he is being watched and judged at all times. In her surveys she found out that no matter how confident the men looked on the outside more than 75% said they were insecure about what others thought of them. She goes on to explain that men often feel like impostors. Even when men are giving it their best they feel like impostors at work and home. When surveyed most men said that when new or unfamiliar things come up they are insecure. Men also stated that since they don’t always know the answer they feel like they are going to mess up or be found out (that they don’t know the answer.)
I would suspect some of these things are true for most people- male or female. However, the book goes on to talk about how we can help our husband overcome this issue. The book suggests affirming your husband on great things he does rather than tearing him down on other things. Making sure you create a “safe zone” at home where your husband feels comfortable bringing up his struggles is another important part of this chapter. The last and most important thing that this chapter brings to light is this: if you are not affirming your husband, he will seek this affirmation somewhere else!
Does your husband spend hours playing sports with friends where he is the super star? Does he like the positive remarks female co-workers give him? Does he always have to win at games? These could be signs that your husband NEEDS more affirmations from you! Affirm your husband often!
Chapter4- “The Loneliest Burden- How His Need to Provide Weighs Your Man Down, and Why He Likes It That Way”
This chapter discusses how providing for his family is at the core of a man’s identity. Often men end up working more or taking on more responsibilities at work because he correlated that with more money or moving up the ladder which then will provide more/better for his family. Women then ask their husbands why they are working so much and tell them they want more time with them. This is a complex for men! They are trying to provide, yet we still don’t seem happy. They then don’t know what they should do and creates a constant pull!
If this is a situation you and your husband are in you need to sit down and talk. First, tell them you appreciated all their hard work and how they are providing for you and the family. Then, tell them how it makes you feel when he is gone/working so much (using I statements). Next, openly discuss what would be a good balance (between work and family/couple time) for the two of you and/or the family.
No matter what situation you are in ALWAYS remember to thank your spouse for all the work they do. I thank Ryan for working hard so: we can go on weekend trips, we can get extra things on the Walmart run, so I can stay home during the summer, we can have a nice home and so many other things. Thank your husband for what he provides!
Remember to click the banner above to see all the ways you can enter to win a free copy of “For Women Only” By Shaunti Feldhahn! If you can’t wait to win a copy you can buy it at the link below:
Next Wednesday we will go over chapters 5 (Sex Changes Everything) and chapter 6 (Keeper of the Visual Rolodex)!
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