Jay Dee writes, with his wife, Christina, at www.SexWithinMarriage.com, a blog dedicated to discussing married sexuality within the Christian life. Jay is also is a Christian marriage coach, practicing at www.anonymousmarriagecoaching.
I asked Jay Dee to write on this topic for our community because it is a topic that has been brought up several times. I know for us when Ryan is in the midst of a big training build or Miss M is waking me up a lot at night we have to be more intentional about making sex happen. We all have busy lives, but with that I believe it is still vitally important to make time and have energy for sex with our spouse!
Now, I’m not an endurance runner. I do run…on occasion…when the weather is nice…and I’m not feeling lazy. Seriously, I probably run a few dozen times in a year. But, I do know that feeling, when you’ve been out running (in my case, after not running for the 6 months of winter we have in Canada), and at night your legs are either Jello or knotted up, your back is sore, your knees are shot, calves are threatening to cramp, and you have no energy left. How do you find the strength and stamina to continue with sex?
It doesn’t have to be running either. I know some of you work 2, maybe even 3 jobs. Or you have a full time job, plus being a full time parent (I have a fifth child on the way, and we homeschool, so I get that), on top of all the volunteer work you do.
Sometimes you just don’t have the energy to have sex. For men it tends (not always) to be more of a physical barrier. For women it tends (again, not always) to be a mental one. So, we’ll try to address both.
You know how they say foreplay starts in the kitchen? Well, I’m going to argue that having the energy for sex starts there too. Now, for you runners and health enthusiasts, you probably already know this, but the kinds of food you eat make a huge difference on your performance, both in and outside of the bedroom.
Now, I don’t want to give you specific diet tips. I’m not a nutritionist so, let’s keep it simple: If you aren’t eating healthy, start. No, I’m not talking about losing weight (though it might help with that), but how about eating better so you can have better sex? Don’t believe me? Try it. For 3 months. You’ll need that long to detox. Pick one thing in your diet that isn’t healthy and get rid of it. Replace candy, cake, chips, alcohol, whatever (I don’t think any diets support these) with something healthy. If you have a sweet tooth, go for some nice fruit, if you like the crispy-ness of chips, get some kale chips, or make them. It’s very simple. Just pick one thing you don’t like to see yourself eating. If you see an improvement in 3 months. Try another one.
Water is a huge deal. Our bodies are … you know, I don’t know the percentage, and it doesn’t matter. They’re mostly water. Water lubricates us, it heals us. Want your joints to recover faster? Drink more water. Want your muscles to release tension faster? Drink more water.
Again, try it. The first few days will be uncomfortable. You’ll feel full of water all the time, but eventually your body will realize it doesn’t need to hold on to so much water anymore, because you’re constantly replenishing it. You’ll also go the bathroom constantly the few day or two. It’s okay, that’s a good thing.
Try it for a week, see if you feel better.
Let’s move on to something non-food related. I don’t know about you, but I can’t run at night. Why? Because I’m already completely worn out from the day. So, I run first thing in the morning. First thing. Before breakfast, before anything.
If you’re constantly running out of energy for sex, what if you moved it up in the day? What if sex was the first thing on your calendar? Yeah, you might not have enough energy for something else later on. You know what, you might not even have enough energy to complete your run, or you might have to walk the tail end of it. But we’re not talking about every day here. I’m saying once or twice a week, switch it up and move your marriage before your running. It won’t kill you, and it probably won’t kill your training. Just be a little more energetic in bed, and it might still count as cardio.
Some of you might need to invest in a lock for your bedroom door for this to work. Some might need to set their alarm clock a bit earlier. Some might need to get over the idea that sex has to happen at night, or in the dark. And some might need to read my post does my husband still find me attractive? if you are nervous about been seen naked during morning sex.