4. Get more sleep
Most people don’t get the sleep they need. On average, adults need between 7 and 9 hours of sleep a night. Under 6 and just about everyone starts feeling the effect eventually. Over 9 and the same thing occurs, believe it or not (teenages don’t count, they’re still growing, don’t use this as a reason to kick them out of bed after 7 hours).
Sleep is important to our lives. Not only does it help us feel more alert and awake and give us more energy, but it also allows us to heal faster, to process food more efficiently. It helps with our moods and brain chemistry as well.
So, turn the computer off a little earlier, put the book down, switch off the tv, and get some sleep.
5. Switch up positions
Sometimes you can change positions during sex to give some muscles a break. For the husband, doggie style (“rear-entry”) tends to be a lot more strenuous on the lower back. If your wife has longer legs than you, it can also be more strenuous on your hamstrings (because you have to trust upwards). Missionary position tends to work your arms a bit more, and your thighs. Woman on top…well, the husbands get a break, and then the wives have to work their thighs and glutes.
As well, more foreplay can lessen the actual intercourse time, which can help when your muscles are just too tired to continue for long. And on that note…
6. Switch up activities
Sex doesn’t always need to include intercourse. I know, I know, that’s what we think sex is. But, if the question is how to continue to connect as a couple, then it need not be PIV (Penis in Vagina- for those that don’t know) sex. There are a bunch of other activities you can choose from. Oral sex, while it still takes energy, does not require the same large muscle groups. Likewise, manual sex (using your hands) requires a much smaller portion of your body in motion, particularly if you use sex toys.
Sex need not include intercourse, because, generally, during sex within marriage, you are looking for two things:
- Connect with your spouse
- Sexual release
Well, sexual release can certainly happen without intercourse (and for many women, it happens easier by some other method). And as for connecting, good news. Oxytocin, which is the hormone that makes us feel connected, bonded, loved, etc., particularly for men, is produced in highest quantity when we orgasm. Luckily it doesn’t matter how we orgasm. What matters is who we are doing it with. If you have an orgasm, with your spouse, even if it doesn’t include sex, you can still experience that same sense of connectedness.
7. Decide to have sex
For those runners out there, or other athletes, do you ever have those days when you get up and think “I don’t want to run today, I’m just not feeling it”, but then you get out there and it’s rough at first, but 10 minutes in you think “I can’t believe I didn’t want to run.” By the end, you’re invigorated and happy you decided to do it.
Well, the same thing can happen during sex. This tends to happen stronger in women, but I think mostly because men are generally already there. It’s said that women’s libido’s are far more reactive than proactive. This means that the best way to get in the mood, is to start sex. Give your body time to get in the mood, to find it’s stored energy levels and many of you will find you can get in the mood just fine a few minutes into it.
There is a myth in our culture that you shouldn’t have sex unless you’re in the mood. I think this is one reason why so many marriages are sex starved. What if you only went for a run when you were in the mood to run? Or went to work when you were in the mood to work? But exercise and work are good things, and they can make us feel good about ourselves, even when we weren’t in the mood for them to begin with. Sex is the same. Try it out, but try it with an open mind. See if your mind can’t catch up with what’s happening to your body.
This happens to men too, but they notice it far less often. Ever been sick as a dog, and your wife sort of throws you pity sex to try and make you feel better? That sounds awful, but I know it happens. Ever notice that after sex, your nose is clear, your headache is gone, your breathing clearer? Doesn’t happen for everyone, but it happens to quite a few. Seems like sex is one of those high priority things, and God found a way to make sure not even a cold would stop sex within marriage.
Those are my tips and tricks for how to get around being too tired, too sore, not in the mood, and generally too worn out to have sex.
What are your tricks and tips for keeping enough energy for sex? Let us know in the comments section.
Jay Dee writes, with his wife, Christina, at www.SexWithinMarriage.com, a blog dedicated to discussing married sexuality within the Christian life. Jay is also is a Christian marriage coach, practicing at www.anonymousmarriagecoaching.