Ryan and I recently got back from traveling to a seminar called Unleash the Power Within by Tony Robbins. We knew that we would learn a lot and get resources and tools to help us succeed in our businesses. However, I didn’t realize just how much I would learn about myself and marriage as well. I left the seminar overwhelmed by the amount of ah ha moments I had. Ryan and I were able to share insights that we hadn’t before. And honestly, I was in shock from all that I learned while I was there.
One of the days Tony mentioned four different types of love. Generally he was talking about how we approach people in our daily lives. Those that we love and know and even those who ring up our groceries that we don’t know. He was talking about love within an intimate relationship, but also outside of the intimate relationship. I was aware of the first three loves, but never had really thought about the last one. As he discussed them I thought, “Oh that’s good.” Which is why I thought I would share them with you today.
The 4 ways to love:
1) Demand Love: This typically is done by babies or young children. They can only seem to focus on them and their needs. We are all born this way. It is a way of survival. However, as we grow and mature we learn skills to help us care about other people. This then aids us to become less egocentric. Note: There are a some people because of their raising that take longer to move away from this type of love.
2) Trading Love: Love of this kind is where people keep track or count points. Thoughts like, “I did this. So he should do that.” Believing since you gave love that you deserve something back in return. Again, this kind of love is for sure seen in relationships of young people, but also done in some relationships of adults. This made me think about when people talk about earning “brownie points” within their relationship.
3) No Stings Attached Love: A lot like it sounds, this kind of love means there are no attachments or conditions to the love that you offer and give. Most healthy relationships with mature adults are in this area of love. You give love because you want the best for your mate or those people. You genuinely want the best for people and showering your love on them is something you believe in doing.
4) Hurting Love: I know that sounds odd, right? Hurting love? This is when we choose to love even though someone has hurt us. We can look beyond the pain they have caused and still continue to show them love. It does not mean what they did to hurt you was okay or even that you accept that kind of behavior. But instead showing them that you will continue to love them even when others might choose not to. This is obviously the hardest way to love and only a small percentage of people decide to love in this way.
Have you ever thought about love in these four ways? I had thought about the first three, but not really ever number four. It was a little punch in the stomach about how I should be loving. I can look back and recount relationships where I loved in the that trading love area. I feel like I have matured over time and now primarily love the third way. Although I know I still revert back to moments of trading love.
I don’t know that I had ever really thought about continuing to love when I have been hurt. I think it was more of a thought like: if I can come to forgiving the person I can continue to love with no strings attached. But really that is strings attached because I must be able to somewhat resolve the issue and forgive. Of course resolution should be attempted, but with or without it I should continue to love. This applies in marriage and outside of marriage, both.
This concept of four ways to love was just one of the many things I took in from Unleash the Power Within. I am so grateful that Ryan and I were able to experience this and grow as a couple. Our marriage and life will never be the same.
Have you ever heard or thought of love in these four ways?
Until Next Time- Truly Love,