Leah Heffner the wife to a sexy, beard-sporting, man of God and mom to three cutie-pie-heads. She’s a new southerner, a sometimes-DIYer, and a novice gardener. She loves coffee, a good Netflix binge, and encouraging other women. You can find her giving encouragement to fuel the journey of marriage, motherhood, faith, and friendship at Life Around the Coffee Cup. For the whole month of February, she’s talking love and marriage and has a great printable just for subscribing.
Every night, before you go to sleep, you have the power (and I don’t use that word lightly) to send your husband off to snooze-town with a big smile on his face, less stress on his shoulders, and with a soundness that will let him awake feeling refreshed and revived.
Sounds too good to be true?
Sounds like you’ll be having sex every night?
That’s really up to the two of you.
No, what I’m talking about is something else. Yes, I know a romp in hay is a great way to send both me and my husband off to dreamland.
But frankly, with three kids and two businesses and blogs and everything else, THAT isn’t happening every night.
So what is happening every night that has the power to relieve stress, make him happy, and help him sleep?
Yes, that’s right.
Right before we fall asleep I make a point to affirm my husband with my words. I say ‘thank you’ for something specific from that day or week. Sometimes I’m less specific and thank him for two or three things. And sometimes it’s just a general affirmation.
“Thank you for working so hard on the kids’ Christmas gift. They love it.”
“Thanks for stopping at the store for milk. It really made my day go more smoothly.”
“I really appreciate how you’ve been wrestling with the kids when you get home from work.”
“You are an amazing husband and father.”
For the longest time, I thought my husband’s Love Language was words of affirmation. So I started this habit to build into him. I have since discovered that words are not his Love Language, but he still really loves hearing this from me at bed time.
So let me set the stage for you a little bit. This habit, this practice of speaking life and truth to your husband is a powerful (there’s that word again) practice. Let’s take a second to make sure we put it in to practice well.
Ideally, wait till distractions are past. Until you’re both settled into bed. Until you’re done reading or watching TV.
Then snuggle into him. Just breathe him for a while. Let your breathing become rhythmic and slower.
Then, just before he’s about to fall asleep for the night, firmly whisper an affirmation. Make sure he can hear you but not take either of you out of relaxation mode for the night.
Don’t expect anything back. This is about him, not you.
Let it soak in. He may something. He may not. My guess is when he hears it, his breathing will change.
He may try to process why you’ve said it. He may even ask why. (Psst, have an answer to this, something like ‘I just think I need to tell you more how wonderful you are and how grateful I am to be married to you.)
He may noticeably relax.
He may fall right asleep.
Whatever happens, try it for a week. Every night. And see what happens.
Here’s my guess – something will change.
You see, all day his job, and his commute, and his boss, and the world are all reminding him of ways that he doesn’t measure up. And when he does get something right, no one’s telling him, or at least not in a way that he can savor.
This is you r chance to show him that you’re different. That your words are something to savor. You aren’t going to heap more yuck on him before he goes to sleep. You’re his safe place. You will send him off to sleep deeply loved and respected. And he’ll sleep better for it.
A habit take three weeks to set in and then solidifies from there. I’m asking you to try a week. 7 days to take time to notice and affirm something in your husband.
If I’m wrong, you’re out about 4 minutes of your entire week. So the risk is low.
If I’m right and this could change the way your husband sleeps, maybe how he responds to you, maybe the way he interacts with you, and it might just be the best 4 minutes you spend all week.
So, are you in? Leave a comment if you plan on trying this this week.