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Rhiannon is a graduate of Lee University where she met and married her college sweetheart, Andrew. Together they have a daughter who is almost a year old. She is the founder and administrator for www.
As children, we see wonder in everything around us. I have a one year old and I babysit an 18-month old, and watching them play always amazes me. There’s one basket of toys that I pick up multiple times a day, but every time they go back to pull the toys out they look at each toy with wonder. It is almost as if the toys are new every time I put them back and they get them out again.
In marriage it seems as if during the first few years we pull a lot of things out of the “basket” and instead of being able to keep pulling the items out and finding wonder we begin to find them mundane or old. When we begin to lose our wonder with our spouse and our life together we grow complacent which can cause contempt. This is not what God intends for us. He does not want us to be complacent in our marriage he wants them to be lively and wonderful.
How do we do this? How do we continue to find wonder in our married life and in our spouse? In my marriage and through constantly learning from other couples around me I have discovered 5 secrets that help us to keep the wonder alive.
- Show Appreciation
One of the biggest things my husband and I both try to do daily is to show appreciation for what the other does. It can be doing the dishes, helping with dinner, taking out the trash, laundry, anything. We both try to be appreciative. It is when the little things start to go unnoticed that we begin to take each other for granted.
- Keep Flirting
Oh yes! Now I will be honest this one was hard for me. I did not have relationships growing up so I kind of had to learn how to flirt in my marriage. If that is you, trust me, there is hope. Start small if you have to, tell him he’s cute, talk about what you like about him, and don’t be afraid of physical touch. When we allow ourselves to flirt at home it kills the urge to flirt or be flirted with outside of the house.
- Serve Each Other
Something I learned very early on was that marriage will show you how selfish you are and it takes effort to step out of those habits. The best way to break any habits that you have picked up over the years that may be selfish is to serve another person. When you serve your spouse out of love you begin to care more about what makes them happy versus what you need.
- Be Intimate
Flirting is fun, appreciation is priceless and serving one another goes a long way, but a marriage without intimacy cannot remain healthy. Culture has influenced our view of sex and they downgrade sex in marriage, but in truth this is the best kind. Sex without covenant produces broken people. Be intentional about getting intimate. You’re married, have fun with it and enjoy your sex life!
- Grow in God
One thing that keeps the wonder alive for my husband and I is our relationship with God. Daily we are sharing what God is teaching us or how God is leading us. This holds us both accountable to spend time with God and in the Word and it builds us up as believers. There is nothing more awe inspiring than when you and your spouse can push each other to know God more. It cultivates wonder with each other and God.
There you have it, 5 secrets to keeping the wonder alive in marriage. Marriage is a beautiful journey and when we invest in it the wonder never fades away!
How are you keeping the wonder alive in your marriage?
In a marriage, there’s usually three parties – husband, wife, and God – let Him get involved in it all
True story, Andrea! This is something I get to work on daily! As human, I want to be in control and act as if I don’t need God to guide us sometimes. What a lie that is! Thank you for the wonderful reminder!
Love #3 in particular since we chose ‘Service’ as our ‘Word of the Year’ and it’s been amazing remembering that it’s the little things that matter like putting the kettle on in the morning(me to him!) or to see a dreaded household chore be completed(him to me!)
For people with mates with the Love Language of Acts of Service these things can for sure show love on a scale like nothing else! It’s great, Elyse, that you are intentional in doing this!
flirting is so so important and I know when my hubby is flirtatious it really makes me feel loved!
great tips
Confessions of a Frumpy Mommy
Shaunacey- That’s so true! When we are intentional about showing our love to our mate they are reminded just how much we really do love and appreciate them!
Great advice! These are all so important in marriage!
Great tips!! I love flirting with my hubby!! I try to make sure I also take the time to tell him what I appreciate about him, but I know I could do it more often! So easy to assume that the other person knows what they mean to you…..but so often if you don’t SAY and SHOW it, they will still feel that lack.
Bonnie- I love how you mention we get to say it and show it, in regards to how much our mate means to us. Sometimes we get stuck in ourselves and don’t share those important things!