In my inbox last week I had a suggestion to do a post on sharing passwords with your spouse. Should you or should you not do so? Why or why not? What are the benefits? Etc.
Right away I knew how hard this topic would be. One because I would imagine people have strong opinions on both sides, but two because it is hard for me to relate to this topic.
Let me explain: Ryan and I have never asked each other for direct passwords to each other accounts. However, with the work that we do with blogging and motivational speaking we have to get on each others stuff sometimes. I know the passwords he uses for things and he knows mine as well. We often are even on each others accounts.
I feel like since we are open with giving each other the passwords for other reasons than we obviously are not trying to hide anything. Otherwise, the person may make a bigger deal of sharing passwords. Maybe this makes it easy for use not to worry about this issue where another couple might worry more if their spouse is being secretive.
But I did do some research to see what others where saying:
- One site was explaining the difference between privacy and secrecy. They stated privacy is something that you decide with your spouse what you two will keep private from others- finances, sex life, etc. Where secrets are where you are constantly giving effort to guarding information. There should be no secrets in your marriage. Keeping passwords away from your spouse could appear that you have secrets not just wanting privacy.
- Another site was stating that some couples can reach an agreement where they do believe in privacy as far as phone conversations or passwords or an open book system (more of what Ryan and I have) where you know each others information, but not specifically for “checking up” on your spouse.
- This site has a really neat Godly approach to marriage as a oneness including social media. I liked the following quote:
Our decision to provide one another with access to our individual online activities was not a result of any distrust towards each other, but rather a reflection of trust.
Like I said in the beginning this is a hard topic to find the “right” answer because each marriage is different. However, I do feel that it is crucial to find a solution that both spouses feel comfortable with and can trust their spouse in doing!
What are your thoughts- should spouses share passwords?
Until Next Time- Truly Love,
Cassie
I say yes, I have nothing to hide from my spouse. I leave my phone and tablet lying around unlocked at home, and I’m perfectly ok with her seeing anything I’ve done, read or written.
We don’t make a point of giving each other the passwords, but we write them all down and the other knows where that is. So if someone ever needed access, of course they could go there. Because we’ve been so open and nonchalant about it, it’s never been a big deal. Knowing that we can access each other’s stuff, we mostly don’t.
Except, of course, for our shared accounts–which we have several.
We have always shared everything, more in an effort to stay accountable than and issue of distrust. Tom sees it as a way to help him resist temptation too.
Another shared thing we think is vital to helping newlyweds become one in mind, body and spirit, is having a joint checking account. There is no money either of us makes that we don’t share. It’s not his and mine, it’s ours. Marriages we’ve seen that had issues with putting all their money together had other issues that went unaddressed.
Great post!
I agree with you Debi as far as the bank accounts go! I think money and communication are two of the biggest things we hear couples talk about as issues in their marriage. Thank you for your thoughts!