Motherhood and Marriage is Magnificently Messy

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Katie Walthall Mehnert is a global organizational leadership executive in oil and gas.  She’s wife to Mark, mom to Ally, and inspirational friend to many through her daily writing at her blog, Pace: Life is a Marathon.  Katie has completed four of six world major marathons in London, Chicago, New York and Berlin and has a passion for education and women’s progression.  Join her for the journey here.

 

I got the call a few months ago. Ruchi Mukjerkee let me know I was one of 12 women in Houston to be honored in this year’s International Mother’s Day Soiree at Neiman Marcus.  Her magazine, Lights Camera Action, honors mothers from various countries who are leaders influencing and shaping modern day motherhood.

I was blessed, honored, and tickled pink that I had this amazing opportunity to stand with and learn from this A-list of diverse women rearing our next generation of leaders.

As I prepared for the big day, I reflected a while on how I’ve managed motherhood and my marriage.  If you had asked me 4 years ago, I would say I was pretty awful and nothing short of influential. I was the epitome of an emotional rollercoaster career woman new mom who wasn’t coping well at all.

There I was…superwoman, and super new mom.  After a successful thriving career that took me all over the world, I kept pushing myself to keep it all up.

Then one day, I hit a wall, and my first one ever.  About 9 months after having my daughter, Ally, I was running my third marathon. It was Mile 18 in New York City. I hadn’t prepared myself well.  I was sick.  I was tired.  I was still carrying extra baby bricks.  What usually takes me about 5:00 hours, took me 6:30.  It was long and hard but it was happening for a reason.

Hitting that wall saved me.

God woke me up in a serious way.  I resolved in those moments as I cried my tired body to the finish line that I would go home and make changes necessary to regain control of my life.  My life, like my running was terribly “off”.

I began making focused choices about my work, relationships, and time.  I built a new village of support around me.

At the center of this village is an amazing husband, Mark. He is one of those rare men who is shaping and influencing modern day fatherhood.  My award goes to him because of his loyalty, ability to adapt, and his unwavering support of the woman I’ve become.

Apart from managing a successful legal career in a significant leadership role a global Fortune 10 firm, he’s a remarkable father.  In the year that followed Ally’s birth, I spent most of my time on offshore platforms and land rig man camps, while he was changing diapers and manning the home front.

We were and are not perfect.  It’s not easy, but Mark and I have made this work.  We’ve adapted and are thriving because like the marathon, we’ve both learned to pace.

Motherhood and marriage is magnificently messy.

Madeline Albright and I are two of the few who believe that you can have it all.  You just have to pace it.  And while I wish I could say marriage and motherhood is like filet mignon, most of the time it’s like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or a pile of spaghetti: sticky and messy!

People ask me what the secret sauce is to managing two successful global careers, our family and our marriage.  Aside from pace, it comes down to commitment and focus, learning, laughing, and taking time to create memories.

1. Commitment sounds so trite, but it’s true.  We live in society that focuses too much on the short term.  I use the marathon as a metaphor for my life because I keep the day-to-day in perspective of the whole and try not to sweat the small miles.  I believe my success is about focusing on being the best me, so I can be the best wife, mom, leader, marathoner and any of the other shoes I wish to fill.
2. Learning is everything.   My husband and I are always looking for ways to learn more about each other.  There’s a certain level of “letting go” that comes with this.  Ultimately our daughter Ally sees how important learning is over the “need to be right”.   I don’t need to be right.  I own my mistakes, seek to understand where I’ve failed, learn and move on.
3. You have to laugh and create memories. God gives us children so that we can learn more about ourselves and laugh in the process.  Creating the time for memories is so important because we’re not guaranteed more than today, so making the most of what time we do have is paramount.

And memories are all we have.

This Friday I had planned to walk with Ally to accept my honor. It didn’t happen that way.  She spent most of her time playing hide and seek. Who wanted to play dress up and smile for the camera?  Not Ally.  Not that night.

At one point she broke loose from the dressing room and I lost her.  I was terrified.  There we were, 5 or so of Houston’s finest mothers in heels running around the second floor of Neiman Marcus calling out for her.  “Ally?  Ally!”

After a few minutes of sprinting my way through Chanel and Dolce Gabbana, I stopped to take a breath remembering I needed to pace myself.

“Is this your little girl, Mrs. Mehnert,” said the security officer standing with my daughter who had the biggest grin on her face.

Aside from wanting to die from exhaustion and embarrassment, I was instantly relieved.  She had been hiding out with the $3,000 dresses.  One of my new mom friends leaned down at me with a smile and a glass of champagne and said, “Well, she sure does have beautiful taste.  Just like her mother.”

Life is a marathon, my friend.  You have to pace it.  Remember, motherhood and marriage is magnificently messy.  Laugh and don’t forget to make those memories.

You can connect with Katie over at her blog Pace: Life is a Marathon.