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As Ryan and I prepared for our wedding we got a lot of different advice and comments given to use. Some were wanted and some… not so much.
People began saying comments like, “Life will never be the same….” Or “Get use to that. It only will get worse.” Things also like, “Your first year of marriage will be the hardest so get ready.” People flooded us with these negative thoughts. Or sadly maybe that was their realities that they had or were facing.
Luckily for us Ryan decided to propose in Switzerland which gave us 7 weeks to prepare our running themed wedding. That means we didn’t have to drudge through the comments for too long!
Those comments got us thinking though. Why all the negativity with marriage? We started to realize no wonder people start getting cold feet in their long engagements. They hear all these horror stories from others and start to panic! No wonder why marriages end in divorce. They have a negative outlook on their marriage and it consumes them. To be honest I think some of our desire to start True Agape came from this experience.
Now that we are almost two and a half years into marriage I have to say it has been quite the opposite of all those comments. Our first year of marriage was a cake walk. And if I am being honest it is all still going well! Yes, we have times where we meet together to talk about our needs that aren’t being met. There are times that we have to make some decisions for us and our family. But we have yet to experience anything even close to the horrid comments people were saying.
During one persons session of marriage advice I basically heard them say, “Kiss your life goodbye.” I didn’t understand what they were saying. I thought, “Shoot, my life is just beginning!” Two and half years later that is still how I am feeling. But I now have started to understand a bit more. They were not saying life is going to be dreadful and horrible, they were saying it will change as you know it. No longer is my main concern myself, but it is my husband and I. No longer do my choices effect just me, but also my lover. It is no longer a life about me, but about us! I can kiss my life goodbye to say hello to our life!
As we prepare to have our first little one we occasionally hear the same kind of negativity we did as we prepared for marriage. “Life is going to be rough.” “Things will never be the same.” “You are going to have to change your habits.” Etc. Etc. I am sure some of this is just as true as the marriage statements for some. It is a reality for those saying it. However, I am not totally convinced our story is going to be like those others.
Call me naive. Call me ignorant, stupid or full of hope. But I know our thoughts, energy, lifestyle and love for one another will guide us in a way that will create positive circumstances. Just as we have done so far in our marriage we will continue to do. We will continue to do for us and our family. Life will change a bit I am sure. Not in a negative or regretful way, but in a way that is full of happiness. Again, yes, I will kiss our life as we know it goodbye, but only to say hello to our new life as a family!
How did you deal with people’s negative comments as you planned to get married?
Until Next Time- Truly Love,
Cassie
Bringing children into your family absolutely changes everything in your life & changes your marriage. And there is no way to fully understand that or grasp that until your little one is in your arms. New challenges creep up that had never even crossed your mind before. BUT, with God at the center of your family & marriage, those challenges become ways to let God show Himself strong to you & your spouse, to your child(ren) and all those watching from a distance. Marriage & children are the richest blessings in my life & I thank God for it all…through the good, bad & ugly.
Thank you for your words of wisdom, Kristal! I know things will be different for sure. I guess it’s just that I wish people would tell their good stories as much as they tell their bad stories. If that makes sense!
Yes, I absolutely agree that people need to share the positive side just as much, if not more, than the negative side. It’s as though people lose all filter & decide to tell others entering a new life stage anything & everything they want.
Definitely true that life has changed since marriage, but as you say not necessarily in a negative way. I have a partner to spend time with, rely upon, and enjoy things with. I don’t worry about dating or always looking my best. I can be me.