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As a married couple you will communicate with your spouse for many different reasons, about diverse topics, and with many different feelings. We typically will start to communicate with our spouse for a reason. Are you communicating to get information, to inform, to get advice, for someone to listen, or to have a discussion. Although we do not always think to ourselves, “Oh, I need to find out the plans for tomorrow night so I better go communicate to my husband.” Sometimes we do need to think about why we are starting communication.
This past weekend on our get away weekend I brought up something that I had been dealing with. Nothing to do with our relationship, but just life. After I give my introductory spill Ryan asks, “Do you want me to listen? Is this a discussion? Or are you looking for advice?” He is really good about this. If I bring something up that sounds like something serious he will typically ask these questions. I then answer so he knows how he can help me.
Asking these questions does several things: 1. Allows me to make a choice of why I am talking about it- sometimes I haven’t even thought about why I have brought it up. 2. Helps Ryan to know what I am wanting out of him during this communication. And 3. Since he knows what kind of support I am looking for we both leave feeling loved because he knows he supported me as I needed to be and I got the support I needed.
Come on we have all been in the situation where your significant other is putting their heart out there, but you really don’t know what they are expecting of you. It’s okay to ask, “Do you want me to listen? Is this a discussion? Or are you looking for advice?” Now the first time you say that it may catch your spouse off guard. I know I was!
I truly believe this technique Ryan uses has helped us to communicate better in our relationship. I challenge you to try this communication tip next time your spouse brings something serious up!
Leave other communication tips below in the comment box to share with others 🙂
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