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Effective communication in marriage is one thing that can help keep couples out of verbal fights. Effective communication is something Ryan and I have to work towards in our relationship.
Let me share a story with you:
The other day I was sauteing some zucchini, onions, tomatoes and peppers to add to a recipe we were having for dinner. Ryan made some comment in which I heard, “Adding those veggies to spaghetti would be good. We should try that some time.” Never in all the time that I have known Ryan have we cooked or ate spaghetti. But hey I am always looking for some new recipe ideas!
When I went to the grocery store to get groceries for this week I planned accordingly to have that meal. I got the veggies, spaghetti noodles, ground beef and some spaghetti sauce. The day comes to cook the meal and I start pulling out all the items.
Ryan freezes in place, gives a strange look at the ingredients and says, “Ohhhhh…” and then finishes with something about that is not what he had in mind but it will work. It was all in a kind voice and tone- just a bit of a confused tone.
I had no idea what the problem was. We were having spaghetti with extra veggies! After asking a few questions about what he had in mind we came to the conclusion of why we imagined two completely different meals.
Ryan doesn’t care for spaghetti noodles, but prefers penne, bow tie or even elbow. He also likes this Ragu sauce which has chunks of vegetables that we typically will put on those noodles. When he said, “Adding those veggies to spaghetti would be good, ” he was saying it would be good to add them to the noodles and sauce that we typically have- not actually spaghetti that I was thinking of!
You say potato, I say patata!
We used effective communication by asking questions and stating clearly what we each were envisioning. Not once did either of us raise our voice and we finished the conversation with clear understanding and good feelings. Not to mentioned we ended up enjoying our new found dinner recipe!
In the comment section below share a time you used effective communication to work through a misunderstanding.
I am glad that this ended in harmony… I have witnessed some (myself included, LOL!) with the tendency towards a smart comment or making the other feel inferior because they misunderstood. After a few of these, .. you know, blow-ups, you get the picture that this “soft answer” thing is very important to fully understand and implement!
Ryan especially (and he has taught me) responds very well in most situations. He knows a misunderstanding is just that. One of us not understanding what the other said. Getting upset about it does not help. He also is good at understanding that if I am continuing to ask questions it is because their is still something I am missing. Again no point in getting upset. We believe communication is key to a successful relationship!
I remind my wife often, Love is first patient (or long suffering).. 🙂 Good communication is definitely something I press forward to ever improve in my home!