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The topic of being a nagging wife -or trying not to be a nagging wife is a better way to put it- has been on my mind lately. I am reading a book For Women Only 
(read my review here) that touched on the topic which has allowed me to put some strategies into play. Then, today I ran into a post entitled “To Nag or Not to Nag?”. Therefore, today I am sharing some thoughts about the topic of nagging wives and to answer how to know if “are you a nagging wife.”
Nagging is something I realized I have to be cautious about in my relationship due to my personality. I know that there are two areas that I could very easily start becoming a nagging wife in: organization and the to-do list. I am an organized person and I constantly work to get things checked off the to-do list
Ryan and I are very different in our level of organization. I have a place for everything and it goes there for a reason. Ryan knows where all of his things are they just may not be in what I think is the most practical place. I mean, come on if you remember the receipt post, you know what I am talking about. Early on Ryan picked up on the tidiness and how it starts to overwhelm me if things are not tidy. I do have to give him credit at working so diligently at this!
The other day we picked up some of Ryan’s stuff from his mom’s house. As we are loading it in the vehicles I am thinking, “Man, the house just now got all unpacked and now this is all going to be sitting there needing to be unpacked.” A few days went by and the boxes were not touched. I had a few urges to go start unpacking it for Ryan. Then, decided against it. I didn’t want him to feel like I was invading his stuff, but then again I really just didn’t want to unpack it. I also had a few urges to ask Ryan when he was going to start putting away those things. However, I did not do that either.
Randomly, one day Ryan goes in there and gets to work! He got about half of it done in one sitting- without me even saying a word about it! Something the book, For Women Only , points out is our husbands are not doing the task for a reason. They may be mentally or physically exhausted from the day and that one thing could be the breaking point. Come on ladies we have all been there before!
Let’s look a little closer at what nagging really means.
Nagging according to Merriam-Webster:
1: to be a persistent source of annoyance or distraction
2: to irritate by constant scolding or urging
3: Badger, Worry
A couple of thoughts came to mind after reading the definition of nagging. 1: I never want my husband to consider me an annoyance. An annoyance is the clock ticking while you’re trying to think or the fan humming while you are trying to sleep. Never do I want my husband to categorize me with those things! 2: When I hear “scolding” I think of an adult scolding a child and the child putting their head down with sadness. I never want my husband to feel that I am scolding him. 3. If I am nagging, that means I am worrying. I have better things to worry about in this life than a pile of cloths or an unpacked box!
I say all of that to say this: try to start looking at the situation a little differently, rather than being a nagging wife. I am working on this continually! The task may not get done in what we consider a timely matter, but in reality the task probably isn’t life or death like we sometimes act like it is. We must except that even though we may not know or even understand why our husband has not done that task yet, we need to have faith in our husbands. We need to trust our man!
I know that biting our tongue when we want to “friendly remind” our husband to do something is hard. It will create an internal conflict for some. However, I challenge you to be a nag free wife for a week and see if your husband’s attitude changes!
What is a skill that you have learned to use when you feel the need to nag?
You man also like to read: Are You a Nagging Wife? Round Two and Are You a Nagging Wife? Round Three
Until Next Time- Truly Love,
Cassie
i love the point that a “gentle reminder” is still nagging – – i think i do that and think it’s ok because i’m not scolding or yelling – – but when you look at it nagging is nagging. just a point i’ll take away from this and try harder not to do as much 🙂 great post! thanks!
I am an official “nagging wife”. My husband told me prior to getting married that he would rather me nag than hold things in and blow up as some point in the future. I do believe he is re-thinking that statement, but in any case…nagging is nagging. I have a 151/2 year old who just got his permit and I told him, don’t hurry..take your time, even if your running late, it will still be there when you arrive safe and sound. I can apply this to nagging as well, it will get done..maybe not on my time frame, or the way I would choose, But that doesn’t mean it isn’t okay…I will try to be more patient and not nag…I’ll let you know how that works out for me…sometimes it is hard to teach old dogs new tricks!
Ladies,
I am glad you enjoyed the post! Yes, it can be a little- ok maybe a lot- difficult in the beginning, but it does get easier. And don’t forget you can do anything you set your mind to! So if you think its an important change for you to make you will accomplish the change. It all starts out with realizing you want to make the change!
Thank you ladies for the encouragement! 🙂
Love it! My motto is to not sweat the small stuff…in life, in marriage, and in parenting! It isn’t worth it! I believe in the verse “wives be submissive to your husbands.” You’re not being a doormat but you’re leading by example. We’ve been married almost 12 years. If we ever have a fight it is going to be over something worthwhile and not his pile of laundry!
Oh my. How in the world am I supposed to pull this one off. I have claimed fame of being the drill sergeant of my household. A spitting image of my much loved Aunt Mary. I have held the title with pride for many years. LOL However, I have softened over the years and don’t take thing so seriously. And with my the New Year, New House, New Church, and New Leaf I will keep this “not nagging” idea to the front of my mind and see if I can maybe drop back to a “Private” instead of the Sergeant.
Wow his is really good. I will be married 1 yr on June 16 ,2013. And I have just started to nag and I didn’t realize it till today. And then I found this article. I’ve been feelinglike there is a wall going up between us already. And I don’t like that. I need the Lords help. I nag and complain cause he dose not do in my timing!! I want to stop!!
Kim,
For me the thing that I try to remember is that he is not getting it done for a reason. Be that he is physically tired, mentally overwhelmed or maybe he just doesn’t know how important it is to use. The hard part is we do not always know that reason, yet we need to be understanding and accepting. Maybe when you ask him to do something or for his help you can let him know when you are expecting it by. But this has to be realistic expectations! If it is a continual thing I would suggest sitting down and talking about it. Let him know how it makes you feel when he does not do something you have asked him to do. There is no blaming! Only explaining why you ask for his help (because you need it) and how it makes you feel. We (as wives) for sure have to beware of nagging. It is so easy to fall into! The first thing to fix it is to realize you are doing it! Good luck with this process! Feel free to private message me on Facebook or email to chat more in details about this.
Cassie
You have laid out some interesting points here. I myself feel like I don’t “nag” my husband enough. My personality will more likely say, “You’re a grown man and I shouldn’t tell you what to do. You’re old enough to know it yourself.” Is that being too self-righteous? Or am I expecting too much? We’ve been married for 16 years and most times, things sort itself out without me saying anything, like what you stated in your post. I think he appreciates my lack of nagging and I don’t take any pleasure in it but we all need reminders once in a while to see things in a different perspective.
Thanks for sharing! I enjoyed it.. 🙂