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We know as a married couple that communication is key in staying connected and facing the world together. However, sometime there are tough topics that prove to be… well, tough… to bring up. Although these conversations are hard to get started does not mean they should be avoided. It is probably an indicator that they should indeed be discussed!
3 Ways to Start Conversation about Tough Topics
- Use “What If Scenarios”: These are best to use if the situation has not arised yet, but feel it should be talked about. Ex: “What if a family member asked to barrow money? We lend to them, but then they came asking for more before they paid us back. How would we want to handle that?” Or “What if our child wants to play a sport in the future, but two weeks later wants to quit after we pay all the fees and buy the equipment. How would we handle that?”
- Use Conversation Starters: These are a good tool to start conversation on a neutral ground since neither of you came up with them. You can find some conversation starters online or in books like this one: 101 Conversation Starters for Couples.
- Use Neutral Statements: Starting coversations in this way allows your spouse to know you have had something on your mind. EX: “I’ve been thinking about …”, “What do you think about …”, “I’d like to talk about …”, “I want to have a better understanding of your point of view about …”
3 Things to Keep in Mind
- Time of Conversation: The best time would be when both are relaxed and listening. Not when you both get home from work and helping kids with homework. Consider when you both can pay attention to each other.
- Resist Assuming: Sometimes we think we already know our spouses thoughts or feeling on these topics, but try hard to not assume. Let them tell you what they think.
- Be Specific Not General: When talking about how you feel on the topic be specific. You want your spouse to understand your thoughts clearly.
Although talking about certain topics can seem demanding and stressful they do not have to be with good communication skills. Using these tips about tough conversations should help aid in creating meaningful conversations that need to be had. When we tackle tough issues in marriage not only does it give us peace on the topic, but it also unifies us a couple!
How do you think you would feel after talking about a tough topic that has been lingering for a while?
Until Next Time- Truly Love,
Cassie
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I’m a planner, so I love the “What if” scenarios. Being on the same page with Robert before something comes up brings great comfort as we walk into the unknown.
For sure, Kristal! It brings that united front that we need as a couple!
Timing is definitely very important for tough talks. I tend to wait until late at night when we are both tired and that just increases anxiety. I’ve learned to wait to talk about something important to me until we are both free to talk and at a decent hour of the day.
So true, Pam. We have to think about a good time to talk. Many things like fatigue and other things on our mind can make a conversation much harder than it needs to be.
Such an incredibly important reminder. Caleb and I have our “tough” conversations every Sunday when we do our weekly questions. {If we have a need for a rough conversation} The book Crucial Conversations is an awesome tool to help you have those crucial conversations too!
This is a good idea, Chloe. Having a time each week set aside. Thank you for the book recommendation. I will look into it!
I really like this post, but I’m pretty sure my wife would prefer other approach. She does not like to talk with alternatives.
During some time I tried this approach but did not work with my wife, so I stopped to use it and talk they way she likes or prefer.
thanks for your post Cassie.
Josh, you make a good point. These are 6 ways that tough topics can be talked about, but they are absolutely not the only way. Knowing your partner intimately will help in this area for sure. But this is a great starting point for those at a loss on where to get started. I am glad to have you stop by.