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In the last post we talked about 8 ways we are selfish lovers in regards to the book Real Marriage
by the Driscoll’s. It listed ways we can be selfish lovers, but also reasons why we may be selfish lovers. The post made me, and maybe you too, realize we are all selfish lovers at some point. Some of us may be more selfish than others, of course, but what do we do about it?
First, we recognize that we are selfish lovers.
Then, second we make changes to become servant lovers!
Image courtesy of imagerymajestic and FreeDigitalPhotos.net
I try really hard to make sure I am being a servant lover, however if I am being honest there are times where I am just exhausted, or would rather spend the time doing something else. Diving into this section of the book has made me become more aware just how selfish I am sometimes. Even though I tell myself I am being a servant lover.
I decided to ask some experts to give us some advice on how we could be servant lovers to our husband’s. This is what they had to say:
When it comes to fatigue and lack of pleasure, learn to tune in to the “precious present” throughout the day and enjoy the little things. Remember that we are called to live by faith and FAITH IS NOW. By faith, enjoy your refreshing shower, your delicious smelling shampoos and lotions, enjoy your meals and conversations with loved ones. Breathe deeply and put a smile on your face. Look at intimacy as a place to give and receive pleasure as you relieve stress. Right this moment you have more than enough.
– Gina from www.WinningAtRomance.com
Coming clean about sexual sin will hurt, but the closeness you will gain from overcoming it will far out weight the short term suffering. To be free of that guilt, the hiding and the shame will lift a burden and you can use that energy to focus on being a better spouse instead of hiding.
Confidence is important. A confident overweight woman that delights in her husband being drawn to her is far more attractive than a self-conscious 20 year old that won’t have sex with the lights on or the covers off. If you don’t like how your body looks, don’t look at it, look at him as he looks at you and see the desire in his eyes.
Communication is key. Communicate about everything, be transparent. True intimacy is when we show everything knowing we are vulnerable and our partner accepting, acknowledging and cherishing the offering. This is true whether it is your spirituality, your emotions or your sexuality.
– Jay Dee from www.SexWithinMarriage.com
How do you think being a servant lover would help your marriage?
Until Next Time- Truly Love,
Cassie
What a beautiful thought, being a servant lover. Intimacy is a struggle for me, but with prayer and the Lord’s guidance I believe becoming a servant lover is attainable for me!
Shannon,
Way to have faith and a desire to change! Feel free to check out either of the websites referenced as their whole blogs are about intimacy. Great resources!
YES!
Me too!
Love love love!
Wow! I’m quoted beside Gina Parris! Thanks!
You are very welcome! Thank you for giving us some advice!
Being a servant at any time means focusing on the other person’s needs. If I am serving my wife, she comes before me in my thoughts. However, when we are truly honest, many of our desire for our spouse are motivated by our selfish beginnings. My wife really likes Snickers bars so I should get her one! So nice of me. Oh why? Because I really want to eat a candy bar & I don’t actually want to eat in front of her. When we completely look at our reasons for what we do, we will see that we are self serving a lot. True servant hood is to focus our attention on the person whom we are attending to. So ask yourself, what is the genuine reason I am doing this? To get sex? To get …? or to serve?
Very true Jerry. It takes modification and redirecting thoughts often for me to make sure I am truly serving my husband!