The Secret Reason Your Spouse’s Traits Are Annoying You

Jess May is an Australian born and bred relationship guru for entrepreneur and career women who are balancing the building of their empire and the connection with their spouse. She helps you tweak the good to make it amazing through Heart Speak and simple, powerful twists in thinking. Jess’ own relationship shift was the catalyst for her business and she uses what she knows to completely transform other couples’ relationships. You can find her sassiest, juiciest stuff at thefirestokers.com and connect with her on Facebook.

No matter how long you’ve been with your spouse, there will always be things about them that grind your gears.

When you first met, your differences were exciting and inspiring. You learned from each other and you found yourself subconsciously mirroring some of the things that your spouse was doing. You picked up some nuances. A few sayings, maybe some eating habits or every day behaviors that slipped in.

You’ve worked out how to deal with (or should I say ignore) the big annoying things. The eye roll is pretty much perfect by now and you hold your breath and bite your tongue when they do that thing.

But what if we’re doing the opposite of what would actually be beneficial?

What is that thing that rubs you up the wrong way?
My fiancé is a very spontaneous, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants guy and sometimes it’s exciting, but most of the time it makes me anxious and leaves me feeling a little lost and vulnerable. I’ve got a five year plan and I’m lucky if he’s got a five minute plan.
In the car with my man the other day, I was so excited about what our life had in store over the next few years. I’d been talking non-stop about how awesome things were going to be, what I’d achieve, what we’d create and achieve together as a team.
I asked him with anticipation what he wanted to achieve in the next few years, knowing that what I was saying had to have been infectious…
“Yeah, I dunno” was his only response. It ticked me off. It killed my vibe and I couldn’t believe that he had no idea what he wanted to do.

What if you’re in need a little of (insert annoying thing here) in your life?
I had plenty of travel time left to really think about the situation, and twisted that thought around.
“If this is ticking me off, chances are I’m resisting something. What could I learn from this trait of his?”
I guess I could leave some things to run their course…
I guess I could loosen the grip a little bit…
I guess I could trust that the path will appear if I just keep taking one step at a time…

What would it mean for you if you started to mirror some of these traits and behaviors?
Every action has a reaction, but looking at whatever this trait is without judgement could mean something completely different. Injecting a little of it into your usual thought patter or drip feeding it into your life could change the course of your outcomes.
For me, it would mean I’m not so gutted when things don’t work out how I plan them.
It would mean that if an amazing opportunity came up unexpectedly, I could take it.
It would mean that there was always room for growth.

What if we were attracted to those traits for a reason?
Consciously we’ve made the decision to do life with this person, but subconsciously we’ve looked at an assessed their personality. On the surface it’s irritating and frustrating and drives you nuts, but who’s to say that you didn’t have some sort of pull towards it? Learning from each other is one of the amazing and uplifting things in a relationship, so embracing anything that might build our character as a partner and an individual is seriously powerful, don’t you think?

What trait or behavior can you start practicing in your life?