Apologize to Help Maintain a Healthy Relationship

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Over and over again I have read marriage advice that says you must learn how to apologize to your spouse when you are in the wrong. Today I read an article that said, “…the greater a couple’s ability and willingness to say “I’m sorry,” the more balanced, stable, and satisfying the relationship.”

Now I would like to think that I would never need to apologize to Ryan for anything, but let’s be real. So far I have only had to say sorry for minor things. For instance: Yesterday I received a text that said, “Can you pick up some chocolate milk highlands and banana chocolate chip kashi bars” I came home with chocolate milk, bananas and kasha bars. I read the text wrong. Ryan asked how he could have put it differently so that I would have understood. I had to admit there was no other way to put it-I just needed to read slower. It all worked out fine because we needed bananas and he was just trying to share the new found Banana Chocolate Chip Kashi bars with me.  I decided that was worthy of an apology.

Another instance was the other day when Ryan and I were talking about a workout that I was planning on doing. I needed to cut some time out of it so I asked him what I should do. He suggested cutting the warm up and cool down, I rebutted with how about just cutting time out of main part of the workout, Ryan then reiterated that I should cut the warm up and cool down rather than the key part of the workout. We both had our own reasons for our suggestions. A bit later after the conversation I felt like maybe Ryan took that as being disrespectful or untrusting. Again, I decided that was worthy of an apology.

I have to say Ryan keeps his end of the deal too when it comes to apologizing. I am going to share a story with you that reveals something about my childhood that most of you do not know… (Now it’s pretty serious stuff so don’t go putting it all over the web for the world to read! 😉 ) When I was about three years old someone in my family decided that I sure would look cute with a little bowl hair cut. The other day when looking through a box I found the picture/calendar that is pictured above.

When I found it I showed it to Ryan while making a comment about looking like a little boy. Ryan responded saying I was a cute little boy. Since then he had teased me playfully about it a few times. I hadn’t really taken it to heart anytime he said something, but each time I would say something like “Oh, stop it!” This past week he made another comment referring to by boyish childhood look and again I responded telling him to stop it and gave him a playful punch in the stomach. Later, the next day after a nice long, thought provoking bike ride Ryan came to me and said something like, “I have to say sorry about making those comments. I know you have said to stop each time, but I finally heard it. I never was meaning it in a negative way.” I thought that was very …. I can’t think of any other word than… manly. After time had passed and the situation had been repeated he still found the courage to say sorry. I explained to him that it’s not like I remember when I was three and looking like a boy played a role in giving me low self esteem or effect me in any way (obviously- I probably wouldn’t be sharing this story if it really was detrimental to me) but it is more of “Oh that is an embarrassing look I had as a kid.” Long story short: Ryan keeps his end of this apologizing thing too!

I liked how the article said often times when people make a mistake they say, “Well, I am only human.” Which yes is true, however we should never use that statement as a scapegoat. We should realize that yes we are humans that make mistakes, but it is our job to take responsibility for those actions. Saying sorry, but then not improving our actions can make our spouse lose trust in us. We need to make sure that when we apologize we take that as an opportunity for self-improvement!

Leave a comment below to share a time you needed to apologize or just leave a comment pledging to use apologizing as an opportunity for self-improvement!